when i was a kid…

Posted: March 29, 2010 at 9:44 pm

i did not want to grow up to be a wife, a mother, a nurse or a rescuer….i wanted to grow up to be the president of the united states.

ok so that did not happen.

when i was a teenager, i still wanted to be none of the above..i wanted to be an architect (i love old buildings)

but i learned that what you want to be and what you are meant to be can be vastly different. wanting and being are not the same, at some point you have to accept the reality. and reality is always more rewarding than fantasy.

some things you can learn to grow into..i never wanted to be an idiot either, i wanted to be a thoughtful and considering kind of person. i wanted to be able to think things thru clearly and see all the hidden and intricate angles of things.

so i try to train myself to look deeper than the superficial surface..i want to see what is underneath.
i do not want to be a shallow puddle that dries up as soon as the sun comes out, i want to be an ocean that holds a whole universe inside it.

good luck on this one too…for now i am just peering into puddles to see if there is anything in there. i suppose you have to start somewhere.

this is why i like animals so much. even tho doris is driving me nutz because i do not know the answer to what is going on inside her…i still am interested in the challenge. i like figuring things out about the animals that makes both their and my life easier.

i have a real obsession to find the truth of someone inside. it is like peeling back an onion, layer upon layer of still an onion but the possibility that something else is in there, something i did not expect to find.

i like taking on dogs like kodi and finding exactly what i expect to see…a busy body, pain in the ass cattledog bent on bugging as many others as he possibly can…it was what he was bred to be…….
a canine hall moniter.

and i like watching animals grow…(probably because people are so afraid of growth, like we think to get bigger and better inside somehow made us wrong in the first place)..so i like to watch al grow from a dog who would drag another by the head across the floor of the shop, to a dog who will actually remove hiimself when someone is really pissing him off. i just find this amazing in him.

i think deep down even animal lovers are contemptuous of animals..i think we think we are not like them at all. i think we are afraid to admit that we are just another species of animal that happens to walk straight and tall.
i think we are afraid to admit that we do not know it all, that we are as clueless as they are in many ways. we have no idea why we are where we are, we have no idea why we are who we are, we have no idea why we live the life we do.
that is why we feel envy, that is why we feel jealous, that is why we feel we deserve more than someone else..that is why we think the grass is greener on the other side of the fence because in a lot of ways we think just like a dog.
sigh..that is my puddle gazing quest for today.

5 Comments on "when i was a kid…"

  • tannis says

    adding to that, they give us alot of peace to… a feel of unconditional love… when you are absolutly fed up with the human race… they come through for ya, like ceaser says (dog whisper), humans do better living with animals then not, we need them as much as they need us…I have had so many single girl friends messed up in live, to the verg of ending it, then they get a dog or a cat,….. well now life is worth living from the love they get from that animal…. love your blogs, finally a place i can read and agree with someones thoughts, love your thoughts,,,,, i am vowed to help your cause all the way, you got your self a big fan here, and your getting more fans… through my work net working… alot of good people there that love animals, and very interested in your place… example , today my tax lady, use to feed that elephant at the langley zoo that died there a year or two ago, she was the one that paid and fed it the whole time apparently, i told her about your place, she wants to sponsor a animal there, i told her to sponsor chance! anyway we will see. but i am putting the work out to everyone, ok, enough of my response blogging, you will see$$$ soon, ok, oh ya, i am available to come up there next week in the eves, thurs-sat, someone get back to me on that, i will go up anyway even if you don’t

  • Mauro Salles says

    It is a paradox that, depending on the mood, is funny: we spend so much time in search of something unknown, but we are sure that it is better. I often caught me walking in circles and stuck in that trap and I ask myself: What the hell am I doing ?!?!? I should stop thinking so much and do something, right ??? I believe this is because we are thinking beings (in our own opinions) and form images and self-images that the passage of time shows to be false, then look for another in a never-ending quest. The beloved and adorable animals just are what they are and I believe in some way try to show what we seek, so close to us. Is this the price we pay for “knowing” thinking? Who knows …

  • Mauro Salles says

    And this is one of the funniest things I’ve ever had the pleasure to read => “good luck on this one too…for now i am just peering into puddles to see if there is anything in there. i suppose you have to start somewhere.” 🙂

  • Marisa says

    Many animal lovers are DEFINITELY contemptuous of animals. It’s why I struggle so much in my animal rescue work with cats and dogs. If I even suggest that my fellow rescuers are being biased because they believe cats and dogs are deserving of life but certainly not cows, pigs, chicken and fish there is a huge defensive backlash. It’s amazing how North Americans excoriate other countries for the animals they may eat but give no thought to the torture we inflict on certain kinds of animals right here in our own backyard.

    But really there’s no good argument for why we give the very best of ourselves to some animals and the very worst of ourselves to others. It’s simply human contempt and, of course, human selfishness (This animal tastes SO good…therefore if I choose to respect said animal I will not have yummy taste sensations any longer.)

    Actually treating other animals as equal travellers with us on this Spaceship Earth means a lot of soul searching and re-evaluating of our relationships with others. That’s why I like your blog, Carol! I think you are always re-evaluating and soul searching.

  • Kim says

    I agree with you, Mauro. The animals show us how very simple life should be. They live in the “now.” When my dog, Kayla passed at 16, I had a crushing feeling in my chest that I could not shake. I stayed in motion, day to day, but I felt her absence- deeply. Going to Saints helped me move through that grief. I still miss her terribly, but it helps to be among these old dogs and it makes me feel closer to Kayla. Love from an animal is so pure, simple and steady. They do show us how easy love is. Kayla was my truest friend.

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