looking at kodi

Posted: June 17, 2010 at 8:44 am

last night i was thinking about kodi….would i know for sure when it was his time cuz kodi bear is a bit nutz. maybe he will still be herding dogs every minute of the day even if he is in incredible pain?

that tumour on his hip is getting so freaking big…it is pushing both his tail and his rectum sideways til it actually looks like they are now on his opposite hip. i give him high doses of pain meds and low doses of steroids for comfort, but still that thing has to hurt..is kodi mentally with it enough to figure it out one day…that he actually is in pain?

so last night was my night for fixing up the clutter in my bedroom and i am watching and cringing and trying to figure out kodi. should i just say…geezuz..i don’t know, kodi is just too insane for me to ever really know what he is physically feeling any more? should i just put him down in case being totally insane over rides any conception of terrible pain?

eat, herd, herd, eat, herd, sleep … am I missing something?
Kodi
 
i had a couple of soft pillows that i was tossing out. i decided if i was going to throw them away, maybe bailey and kodi would like them for their beds last night…(invariably they will get torn up or pissed on so they won’t survive past the night any way.)

soooo..i give them each a soft pillow to lay their weary heads for the night. i saw bailey’s soul go …ahhhhh….when he stretched out for sleep. i couldn’t see kodi cuz he was on the other side of the bed…but i sure as hell could hear him banging around and flip flopping away and again i thought he was seizuring.

over to his side of the bed i go and there is kodi falling off his bed to the floor with that god damn pillow clenched tightly between all four legs. what the hell is he doing…is he humping the damn thing?

no…he was playing….. in kodi’s odd and insane way. he played with that pillow for more than an hour with it clenched tight against his belly. he did somersalts, rollovers, falls to his side…each bang and hit on his bad hip made me cringe even more. kodi eats, kodi sleeps, kodi chases the dogs and herds himself in the process,  into the ground. kodi rolls over for belly rubs and enjoys head kisses and face petting…but kodi NEVER plays…he is much too determined to be a working dog to engage in useless play.

it was somehow sad to see him playing with the same utter insanity that he gives to his herding need. and it was really sad that i never gave him a pillow to play with before last night too. but….it cleared up my mind about what to do about kodi and any possible pain.

kodi is unique..i have never had any dog come close to being like him….not even dexter met his coming death with as little regard for his failing body as kodi does. if kodi is going to keep going by sheer determined need to live busily and with utter insanity to fuel him, so be it. 

that crazy cattle dog had a blast with that pillow…we won’t be tossing it (or him) out any time soon.

woohoo ! Now what to do next? Eat, Herd, or Sleep … this is a very difficult choice …
Kodi

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