i wonder…

Posted: February 11, 2013 at 9:38 pm

what is it about me that chooses to define myself by rescuing animals?

it is not just because i am drawn to them, like a moth to the flame..if this was all that it was, i would simply have pets.
it is not that i am a bleeding heart either, feeling sorry for the helpless and weak…if this was the case, i would be overwhelmed by all of their needs.

i think it is something different..i think i identify with them. i see my own failings and weakness. i see my own vulnerability, my own broken-ness.

i see these animals wrecked and destroyed, abandoned and betrayed..unwanted…. simply because they are flawed.

and it pisses me off.

i am not perfect..i am not anyone’s idyllic dream and i have true value and so do they.

we place value on who we are, what we have, what we have done. but we don’t value just being a broken nothing or no one.

i have gotten good value mileage out of being carol at saints….but no one values me for being old, wrecked, stupid and yes sometimes a bitch.
and that is a shame because that really is the best parts of me. those are the things that make living for me a battle in survival…that (so far) i win every day.

i was thinking about odie, jesse, phoebe, puff daddy and chance and how such biting, beastly dickheads who are so difficult to live with are such incredibly lovable creatures when they are so bad. how does the dark side of them get overshadowed by their light?

it is because they have despite themselves…. survived. and they were lucky enough to find a place where the not so great parts of them are valued as much as the rest.

if saints has done one single good thing for the animals here…it is that we have convinced the broken that they really are whole.

maybe that is why i choose to define myself by rescuing them. maybe that gift that i give them gives the same gift to me in the end.

9 Comments on "i wonder…"

  • Kim says

    That’s beautiful 🙂

  • Penny says

    There’s a message in this blog that could apply to people, as well as animals. Wouldn’t it be wonderful if we could accept and care for each other just for what we are, regardless of the physical and emotional battle scars we get from living. Well said, Carol.

  • Brenda Mc says

    beautifully written – and so undeniably true. Thank you Carol. Just so you know: Mac is such a special gift to us, and he is truly loved. One week, and it seems like he’s been here forever – such a sweet soul.

  • Carol says

    ah max (mac) 17 yrs old, bad eyes, bad ears, leaks urine and so filled with joy in being alive and feeling so loved…can’t get much more perfect then that!

  • Catherine Shapiro says

    What you expressed here is exactly what I have been thinking about. You said it beautifully.

    By the way, Mya is thriving. She is so laid back. We really have a great time just being with her. She loves all the attention we give her.

    I read your blog everyday. I enjoy your point of view.

  • shelagh f says

    very well said. I have to use this as my own message
    board. Maggie and Lynne, I am working all this week
    so I could help Mon or Tues next week (the 18 or 19)
    Carol, is ok if I come out tomorrow after work with
    apples and canned dog food? Might bring you some
    dinner too. Just wanted to check. Would be about
    1700

  • Maggie says

    Shelagh and Lynn,
    Can’t make plans right now as my brother is in palliative care and I need to stay with him.

  • Carol says

    so sorry maggie that your brother is so unwell..hugs to you.

    so glad catherine that mya continues to be such a great fit with your family…lucky girl!

    hi shelagh…1700 or whenever is fine. see you then!

  • shelagh f says

    so sorry Maggie. Take care of yourself

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