i think my head is screwed.

Posted: April 2, 2013 at 6:24 am

what a big baby..i am as bad as odie, freaking out over nothing at all.
big sigh…in my case it is out of guilt…i’d like to be vegan but just the thought of how difficult that pure of a lifestyle really is..makes me bury the thought. it’s up there with i really would like to quit smoking..maybe one day when life ain’t so hard.

odie is doing ok…he just needs tons of personal emotionl space. we get along ok in the evenings. i take him for a walk..feed him, give him his meds..he growls when i give his insulin but when is all said and done for the night, he settles and i can safely walk past or step over him.
it is managable.

the other guys are doing ok too..luckily none of the others are presenting any problems right now. leaves me free to worry and mess my head up over odie and a few other non animal things.

this should be a time when i am enjoying the peace here…our numbers are down, the animals contentment is high, the weather is good and yesterday (thank god for the pub day)…i paid all of the vet bills. we had racked up $13,000.00 in medical care (not including 3 trips to emergency) since the beginning of feb. this year. that was a lot of sickies to care for. oh well…just over another week and then maybe with odie, healed and happy? i can relax and enjoy some easier times.

i did chill out enough to play with judd and his monkey last night. and daphne and jerry made sure they both were squeezed up against me during sleeping time…it is like a double hug. the bed tho is looking decidedly empty with the passing of so many bed buddies. there used to be 14, now there are 8, where the heck is everyone??

i actually could easily downsize to a queen bed now. oh well too late, maybe in a couple of years when this new one is wrecked.

want to know what is sad tho? life is going to be easier, more settled and peaceful because we have suffered great loss thru so much recent death.

you wouldn’t think the loss of such little and sweet and easy dogs as georgia and hubby in less than 12 hours, would have such a big impact but it does. 2 less dogs to feed and medicate, 2 less dogs to worry about and the heart kicker? 2 less dogs that i loved.

they go and life does get easier but it gets sadder because they are gone.

now there’s an emotional conflict to mess me around.

it is actually harder not to let anyone in during this tidal wave of big losses. the new ones distract me, they fill in empty space, they give me new worries, new hearts and minds to invade and someone new to learn how to love.

man..i must be losing it..i wanted our numbers to go down.

well i better put my game face on, it is time to feed and poke the diabetics and get my butt into work.

8 Comments on "i think my head is screwed."

  • Nicole says

    No new ones!! I’ve had to send out sad replies to well over a dozen surrender requests in the last two weeks.

  • Fiona says

    That sucks!! Well over two dozen in the last two weeks. So, so sad.

  • Carol Ann says

    I really wish people would take animals in for their life time, not just until it becomes difficult. I have had 5 years of hell with my badly bred lab, I love her and am very happy she did not end up in a terrible situation. Her potential for being abused is very high. Never thought of dumping her on anyone else. I know sometimes there are no other choices for some, Angus is one of those and we love that little guy. Thank God for Saints and others that do a fantastic job. Ah venting does feel good.

  • Bridget says

    oh, CAROL… you’re a nurse, you know better than this!

    it’s akin to saying, “Wow, it’s quiet, ” when things on the floor are slow! don’t do i…. DAMN, you did it!

    nooooooo!

  • Barbara says

    Comment by Bridget — April 2, 2013 @ 9:24 am

    “oh, CAROL… you’re a nurse, you know better than this!

    it’s akin to saying, “Wow, it’s quiet, ” when things on the floor are slow! don’t do i…. DAMN, you did it!

    nooooooo!”

    LOL 😉

  • lynne says

    nothing wrong with wanting to have life a little bit easier.

  • shelagh f says

    I agree with Lynne. Except that Odie is giving you
    grief, it is ok to have a break, and not take any
    new animals in and just enjoy the guys you have
    for a while. You have been sick and stressed and
    tired, so just catch your breath for a bit and then
    go on to the next crisis. Nurses are the worst for
    looking after themselves.

  • lynne says

    odie is just odie and i know carol can handle him just take a deep breath and go on from here. you have had a lot of animals that have passed and it sucks, but at least they passed in your care and that is good for them. know how much you loved them and they loved you christ give yourself a break carol, you do all and more than you can and they all know it. what more can you do for them i think you are a superstar.

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