the art of bullshit

Posted: June 12, 2013 at 6:01 am

I held jakey in my arms all night, that is where he feels the most safe. for the first time in his life he feels valued and appreciated because I can feel his need, because I can feel his pain, because I will do whatever has to be done so he doesn’t ever feel that way again.
are not jakey and I together so wonderfully wonderful, oh freaking yay…
gag.

lets get real.

jake likes human beds because they are soft, he likes laying with his nose in my armpit because my armpit protects him from the smell of his farts. last night I lay in the dark trying to decide which kind of hanging car deodorizer I should tape to his ass. lavender, pine and vanilla are my favorite scents.

does jakey need me? he is homeless so of course he does. am I his goddess of his salvation? not really. but he does like that he can pass gas on my bed without enduring a human freak out.

no point in romanticizing rescue in anyone’s head.

rescue is not about bullshitting myself by listing all of the wonderful heavenly things that I think I give to them. it is more about listing the mundane more normal things that they actually get….like muddy feet and the freedom to fart in peace on my bed.

I live in a world where nothing is real….our health care is great because we say it will be, animals are homeless but they were deeply loved, every challenge will disappear with the wave of some magic wand.
I used to believe. but one day I grew up and realized that words have no real meaning.

it is what I see with my eyes, what I feel with my hands…what I smell with my nose…that is what is real.
the thought alone doesn’t count for much when caring for vulnerable animals or people.

so…. the perfection of sainthood continually escapes me but acceptance of farts is realistically obtainable…
or at least it will be once I decide which pleasant scent of deodorizer I should buy for a gassy beagle butt.
I am leaning towards lavender,

10 Comments on "the art of bullshit"

  • Penny says

    Too funny, Carol. I grew up with a Boxer dog who could clear a room in a few seconds with one of his farts. You could see his tail lift slightly, then he’d roll his eyes and slink out of the room before the smell became evasive. I think he figured no-one would notice if he left the room first. It was horrible, but we always got a good laugh out of it.

  • Bunny Horne says

    I have a friend that had a Pitty who would come sit beside you, put his nose on your knee and look lovingly into your eyes — then pass his gas.
    I vote for Lavender – it’s so calming.
    STAY CALM & FART ON.

  • Bridget says

    they do sell charcoal capsules for smelly-farting humans, as well as adhesive-backed tabs you can put into undies.
    i wonder if they’d work for Jake.

    dear old Jake. <3 i think i like him.

  • Bridget says

    perhaps a large order of incense should be on the wishlist? lavender, hmm?

  • Mo says

    OMG

    ” adhesive-backed tabs you can put into undies.”

    Now this totally cracked me up.. and not that crack either Lol.

    Levi has started farting up a storm as well.. WTF…I think the weiner treats are too much for him… and me πŸ™‚

  • laura says

    off topic but story of my Saints dog…..i’m doing some tile work,so had a new unopened bag of sand-cement motar sitting in the basement..come home yesterday to a complete disaster…motar all over the basement and 5 innocent faces staring at me….all looked very clean except one…Murphy had been bathing in it…what the hell he usually never gets off the couch…but the worrisome part was it was around his mouth….so off to the vet we go with the empty bag….we google it and do xrays…yes he did eat a bit but should be ok…just watching him for a bit incase he gives new meaning to the term “shit bricks”….maybe besides lab/pit he also has some beagle in him!

  • Bunny Horne says

    Laura, “shit bricks” too damned funny.

  • Curt says

    Bunny, Most of the comments in this thread are too damned funny. Farts, Shit, Oder Eaters For Undies

  • Bridget says

    it’s true!
    http://www.shopinprivate.com/subtle-butt.html
    http://www.shopinprivate.com/charcocaps.html

    no idea if they WORK, but it amuses me. πŸ™‚

  • Maryk says

    Penny, we had a boxer (Duke) when I was a kid that did the same thing. Boy, he could clear a room in 3 seconds flat! I clearly remember my parents walking around lighting matches, hoping the sulfur smell would kill the fart smell. Haven’t thought of him in years – thanks for the laugh!

    Carol, I vote for lavender; it’s my favorite, too!

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