i don’t like to actually beg because it makes me feel dependent, inadequate, incapable and just generally like a loser….

Posted: July 16, 2010 at 10:19 pm

but…i can beg if i have to especially if i am begging for someone else directly…(and the saints animals both directly and indirectly.)
the fundraising committee for our big silent auction fundraiser, is totally freaking out. they know we really badly need money and they feel really responsible to make us some… (too bad counterfitting is illegal!)

anyway…i really love these folks, they stress out and work their asses off over this gala for us every single year. and this year, so far, they only have 30 silent auction items which is not near enough to keep us coming or going around here.

i feel bad when people i care about are really stressed out because of me and saints…that makes me feel like a problem and a burden and an incapable money sucking pit cuz here i am freaking out people important to me.

so…i am begging…if you are an artist, a craftsperson. a photographer or know someone really well who is…if you can procure from a friend or a family member a nice dinner out or a weekend away to a resort or a fishing or golfing holiday, if you have connections to sporting or theater events or gift baskets, spa gift certificates, or tools or camping things, or boy toys or gardening things…anything that folks might bid on..could you please, please, please…. send them our way? you can even purchase stuff thru the sears catalog and have it sent directly to us in mission!
we will all be very, very grateful and i can quit feeling like i am inadvertently torturing the people who care about us the most.

ok..now for the nightly news items…

al is an idiot…he fell while climbing the fence and got his toe caught in the wire again. colleen and renee had to hold him up in the air while i went running for wire cutters. renee and i are fine…al has a sore toe and colleen totally wrecked her back. thank you tammy and renee for finishing off the bunnies for me!
stop doing that al!!!!!

shelley brought david kincaid out today for a tour of saints. he is a popular long time news broadcaster for CTV and will be hosting our silent auction fundraiser for us in september. i think he liked the place and shelley must of given him the rules on the way out..not once did he say either the crazy or saint words which i thought was very respectful and kind of him!

ko was out spoiling our chickens and ducks today (she is feeling guilty because she is going to be a way for the next couple of weekends too!)

i picked up kira from the spca…(a little 5 pound rotten toothed, half blind little poodle thing)…gosh, she is absolutely totally adorable…funny and cute and makes the most amazing little baby sounds.

speaking of babies…i did get to annabelle’s and had a very nice couple of hours helping out a bit. that baby is still the cutest freaking baby in all the world..she makes the very best faces, she scrunches up her little body in the most amazing ways…sigh, i could just sit and look at her for hours…she was 2 weeks old today!!!!
thx laura for checking on everyone and putting the barn guys to bed for me tonight!

tomorrow afternoon i am helping lindsey with some pre-wedding stuff and then sunday afternoon i am going back to eric and ang’s to help out again.

i need to be three people…carol at saints, carol the nurse and carol the family gal…so far i am getting it juggled but an extra body or two would really help. not that i am really complaining..i do have a very nice and full and interesting life and i get to do all of the stuff that i like!!!!

now i have a very sad and upsetting story that i have to tell. this rescue makes you do things that you don’t want to do, don’t want to talk about and certainly do not want to admit to.

everyone knows we have an ongoing rat issue and everyone knows that even tho i absolutely hate it…and i periodically do have to do careful and responsible rat population control. i make myself sit and watch them sometimes as they go about doing their thing which is mostly having sex, having babies and eating all of the chicken food. still they are lovely and interesting creatures who just by their sheer insanely gift at reproduction and ballooning their population numbers, cause us a very great deal of very serious problems…the greatest of which is fire hazards because they eat thru the wiring in the walls.

anyway..once i start seeing several generations of 20 or 30 rats bombing around..i make myself do something about it…which means i start putting out poison for them. of all of the ways that you can use if you have to kill a rat..i do believe awarafin is the kindest and gentest…it kills them for sure but it is relatively painless because they just grow weaker and more lethargic as they start to bleed out. it is not as violently horrible and painful as drowning them or catching their little feet and tails in the traps we used to set out.

(anyone who thinks i am a saint, headed straight for the pearly gates, can forget it…i am heading straight for hell because i absolutely have to kill rats.)

anyway to get the worst part of this story. last week, i put out the poison and many of the rats ate it and have died. today in the chicken coop i saw something that will literally haunt me for the very rest of my life. inside the empty coop was a tiny, just few days old baby. he was all alone. and i know he struggled and found his way into there because he had to leave his nest because mom and dad are not bringing him food. and felt so sick inside because i had purposely and cold heartedly killed his parents and i was also leaving him there to die alone too.

and i want to say something about this…this is a really big deal to me because i am not inherently cruel. i HATE having to do this..but i can’t let them keep breeding 6 rats will make 600 rats within 6months because they are maniacs at reproducing…i can’t do anything about their access to chicken food without starving the chickens who need to eat constantly. i cannot live trap and release because if anyone even thought i was releasing rats from here into another rural district within 5 miles of anyones house…we would be toast and totally deserve to be toast too.
so right or wrong or good or bad..i kill them the kindest way that i can…but i was not kind to that little baby who in desperation came out of his nest in search of his dead parents…

this part of rescue (the knowing and feeling and HAVE to part) truly sucks the most.
anyway..i was not going to let that baby’s hopeless struggle to survive get shut away and hidden from view in our empty chicken coop…he has to live and die it..it is only fair that i truthfully acknowledge my part in it….so sorry little guy.

7 Comments on "i don’t like to actually beg because it makes me feel dependent, inadequate, incapable and just generally like a loser…."

  • Colleen Donnelly says

    The baggie with wire cutters in it that you had Renee put on the fence…in case Al gets his toes caught again won’t do. He broke a toe last time and has hurt himself previously. Time to reinforce that fence!

    Holding Al up by myself for the first minute while you walked to find the cutters was brutal. I was holding all his weight while twisted into a position that was comfortable for Al. Thank gawd Renee finally took some of his top weight from me. Everything on the left side of my body… arm, hip, calf, back is f****d. I dread waking tomorrow….

    And at the end Al was wicked embarrassed. The turning and pressuring on his body parts from holding him up made him poop on my jeans. ( all being in the early a.m. when he was ready to poop anyway ) That’s okay Al boy, no problem. You can poop on my jeans anytime.

  • Carol says

    i have already decided how to fix that area without adding more danger to his determined fence climbing…even the simplest things escape us in seeking solutions sometimes…all i have to do is cut the cross wires along the fence rails…better that then risking him trying to go over something even more difficult for him and breaking his back.
    to be fair, even tho i know perceptions are different in crises when holding 75 pound dogs in the air…i wasn’t just “walking” and renee was in fact holding a good portion of his weight because i shifted the weight i carrying from me onto her…those moments were difficult for all of us individually, especially for al….there were no soloist’s in this, just a dog with his toe caught in the wire who needed and got some help from all three of us. outcomes for the animals are always better when we communicate and work well together as a team.

    and this reminds me…
    if folks would please keep all of the tools on the tool shelf in the shop where they belong and not leave them or stash them all over the property where i don’t know where they are..i could find them faster and easier when i need, especially in an emergency… please put tools back to the shop…even if you just come across them laying around somewhere.

  • suzanne says

    I don’t have a clue as to what your “market” is out there (since I am in SE US) thus whether or not what I can offer for your auction would even be a help to you.
    My grandfather was an etcher of some renown. He primarily focused on Gothic architecture and specifically the Gothic catherdrals in Europe, their portals, gargoyles etc. His name was John Taylor Arms. If you go to The Old Print Shop’s (NYC) website and click on 20th century prints and then on his name you can see some of them. That way you would be able to determine if they are sellable in your area. His work is not what one would call an “impulse buy”… it’s technically quite remarkable but people either love it or they move on to florals and still lifes.
    Please let me know and I will be happy to send some out for your “kids”. Most of the really high ticket ones are gone, as they were all limited editions and he died in 1953, but I have a reasonable number of the smaller ones. you have my email, so please let me know.

  • Elaine Strozek says

    did you reive the picture and advertising from Accuritly Shooting a few weeks ago it was left on a Saturdaay with the staff for Jenn. They would like a confirmation as they offered a free shoot at the range for a couple, with their pistols and equipment. also training. thanks it was put on the shelf by the front door thanks.

  • Katherine says

    I, too, live at a great distance (in Virginia’s ‘Historic Triangle’ — Jamestown-Yorktown-Williamsburg). I, too, would be thrilled to be able to provide something from here that would be valuable there. I’ll think on it, but would be grateful for any insight you could provide about what might be desirable.

  • Carol says

    suzanne and katherine…both ideas sounds so great!!!!!
    i was at jamestown a few times in my childhood…so much history…we forget sometimes how rich was our history and how it did shape us today.

    wow suzanne i just had a look at some of them…trip down memory lane…i grew up in upstate new york (and spent some time in nyc because my brother went to school there)

    i grew up looking at some of these types of prints in the old churches and 150 year old homes that we and some of our friends still lived in…as kids we were always digging around in basements and attics where ever we went.
    one of our elderly neighbors gave me a book on the civil war, chock full of steel engraving prints…the exquisite detail, ahh not only those places but the lost art…your offer is simply priceless!

    i have the shooting certificate, thx so much elaine!..i will give it all to jenn today for safe keeping (we were counting that in the original 30..i think it will get some really nice bidding tooi!)
    thx so much you guys!!!!

  • Marisa says

    Loved your part about the rats; it’s so important to understand that life is precious in all its many forms. Thank you for recognizing the suffering of the little rat and your part in it. I wish more people would take such responsibility for their actions, even when these actions may be necessary. I don’t think any other rescue admits to having to kill rats but I’m sure they all must do it…for all the reasons you listed. So, thank you for being so transparent.

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